Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Lesson 2: A Super Classy Bitch Wears Vintage

I used the word "vintage" for spatial reasons, but what I really mean is vintage, "upcycled," hand-me-down - whatever. The deal is a Super Classy Bitch wears things that aren't always new. Before you get your polka-dotted Victoria's Secret in a bunch, let me explain why.

We all know that feeling of getting something new from the store and you just can't wait to wear it. That's the highlight of a many a lady's day. While this warm, fuzzy feeling is great, there are some issues regarding new clothing that a Super Classy Bitch needs to take into account, even before buying that hot little g-string. (Come on, you know I'm kidding! ...Kinda.)
+One word: Sweatshops. Hey, Bitch! Read it! Moving on...
+The environment loves a true Super Classy Bitch for tapping into eco-fashion! There are some serious side effects to drinking the new clothing punch. Look here!
+Your favorite new [insert garment of choice here] may be really bad for you! It may be Teflon coated, formaldehyde-dipped, you name it. (I'm sorry, but wearing formaldehyde is no where near classy, ok? Science lab smell = unclassy bitch.) There's a Super Classy Bitch bitchin' about it right here for your reading pleasure.

Now that you are sufficiently horrified, let's talk about why you should wear "vintage"!
+You want a conversation piece? Well, then rock a vintage frock and see what your gal pals will say! Interestingly enough, this website is centered around this very idea.
+Vintage clothing is known to create a more flattering shape. [Think: waistline! Yes, it's what we've been missing all these years!] And a Bitch needs to have a good shape! Am I right? (Of course, I'm right. Why the hell are you reading this?!) Check out this Super Classy collection. Also, because styles keep coming back, vintage is pretty much always in. It's just a matter of choosing what works for your body. We'll talk more about clothing shape and body image later. Yeah, you read what I said. You're not getting away from that just yet.
+Hand-me-downs are usually pretty fun, too. Just think of your older sister or aunt getting excited that you can create new memories with her favorite party dress she handed down to you!
+"Upcycle" is a new term in our world, and when referring to clothing, upcycled means that something has been taken from super ugly to super chic. This type of garment is definitely going to start a conversation! Etsy.com is a wonderful resource to find your own upcycled treasures. This lady knows how to do it up(cycled) style. Or, you know what, you could even do it yourself! *gasp* Figure it out here, bitch. And, as always, Threadbanger.com is my favorite source for this kind of crazy awesomeness. (If you remain unconvinced, check this out for more eco-friendly fashion information.)

Some celebrities who sport the recycled:
+Zooey Deschanel (as pictured above)
+Sienna Miller
+The Olsen Twins
+Sarah Jessica Parker (Of course!)
+Christina Aguilera
+Kelly Rowland (Step aside, Beyoncé!)

I know that anytime I wear something "vintage", people shout out a nice comment... or just stare at me, longingly. Regardless of what they say or don't say, it makes me feel Super Classy to wear something that doesn't compete with kitchenware (Thanks but no thanks, Teflon.), upset Mother Earth (That's my Bitch!), or put my little nephew to work (It would be good for him to learn those skills, but let's give him a few more years. He's only 4!). This may seem like a no brainer for me since I am a clothing designer, but with these simple tips, anyone can be the next Super Classy Bitch turning heads when she walks into a room AND feel good about herself for what she has done for the greater good!

My work is done here for now, but don't forget to tell me about your "vintage" ways in the comments! I showed you mine, so you show me yours! Because that's Super Classy... Bitch. ;-)

Monday, October 12, 2009

Lesson 1: A Super Classy Bitch Knows Tea

Tea. This is a universal beverage, honey. Get used to it. Most people on this Earth know how to make it and drink it, and especially know how they take it, but it is up to a Super Classy Bitch to know how to work it.

There are a few different types of tea, and you aren't required to know everything about them in order to understand this lesson and execute it properly. This is more about presentation and engaging your guest(s) or whoever you are with, wherever you may be.

Let's talk about the wonderful qualities of tea first. Because it is so widely-consumed, you can have it almost anywhere. Like many people, it is my mother's personal preference over water, so hey, at least you know you can charm the beautiful lady who gave me life at any moment! It is also known to be very good for you if consumed in moderation. It can be served hot or cold, too. All of this is great, but my favorite part of tea is the magic it possesses. It can change the mood of a room in a split second, and this is the very reason why it is important that a Super Classy Bitch understands how to work this super classy beverage of choice.

Cold Tea:
+Great for warm weather, especially hot Summer days
+Goes well with any meal/snack
+Can be infused in a variety of ways: mint leaves, ice cubes with herbs/fruit, fruit juice/slices (especially citrus)
+Presents the best in tall, clear glasses accompanied by a large, clear glass pitcher... Like this!
+Herbal teas go over very well for most guests, but make sure to have black tea available if you aren't sure [See: my mother, lover of all teas Orange Pekoe]

Hot Tea:
+Great for cold weather, especially rainy days
+Goes well with breakfast and dessert the best, but also works as an in between beverage, particularly mid-afternoon
+Can be infused with spices such as cinnamon and star anise, but some people also like to have milk or cream in their tea
+Presentation for hot tea is very important, especially when entertaining! Either go for a mix-and-match set (predominantly for informal gatherings) or use your super classy tea set... Like this!
+Chamomile is best for relaxing, Chai is best for a little bit of energizing, Green tea is great across the board (Trust me, you should know when to use these teas because it is crucial to setting a mood.)

Bitchy Note: When serving tea, always, always, always keep an option for sweeteners (artificial as well as natural) and milk. This is especially important for guests who may have certain aversions to sugar. And do not be offended if your guest takes it plain. Be proud of yourself for making sure they were taken care of in the first place, no matter their preference. [Super Classy Bitches are also thoughtful. Never forget that.]

As for the tea set, this is a Better Have! for a real Super Classy Bitch. The hot tea set is of major importance and here's why: Not only is it there for presentation and to aid in consumption, it is also a conversation piece. This tea set isn't just a tea set like it claims to be, but if all else, this set needs to have a story and personality on its own of how you got it ("Oh, my great aunt gave this to me! Isn't it amazing?!" or "I found this in Thailand when I went to the marketplace. I couldn't resist!" etc.) or where it came from ("It was made by a local ceramics artist. Look at how detailed each cup is!" blah blah blah). No matter the tea set, it is almost a guarantee that you will be complimented on it, so you better have something to say about it! Oh, and use a nice tray! That definitely gives you some points on the presentation end, and this is true for both hot and cold teas.

Also, remember that a formal tea party isn't just about the tea. You need to serve foods that complement it for whatever occasion. I'm leaving that up to you, Bitch, but you can always ask me for advice. (Two words: shortbread cookies. Do it.)

My tea party heroes:
+My friend Lilia Beaman for our friend Siobhan's Bachelorette Tea Party! (See: photo above)
+The grandmother from "Now & Then" and the scene where the girls go to her house to ask about Dear Johnny. (Ok, it was lemonade in the movie, but you know it could have been tea just as well!)
+Mad Hatter. Hands down.

Dishonorable mention:
+Boston Tea Party. While I understand why this took place and the historical significance, that is no tea party I would like to attend. Check, please.

Now, go Super Classy Bitch. Go and have a fabulous time with your tea and impress the world with your skills, be they old or new. Oh, and don't forget to comment so I know how it turned out. It is only polite.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Introduction: What is a Super Classy Bitch?

Hi, gorgeous. How are you today?

To kick off this new blog, let's do a little brainstorming, shall we? Let's see. . . Who are some super classy bitches that I know of in the celebrity/semi-celebrity realm? I'll pick a top 5. Feel free to contribute.

Decor It Yourself's Meg
Audrey Hepburn (you saw this one coming)
Amanda Armstrong (the nurse) from "Mona Lisa Smile"
Frankie from "Dream for an Insomniac" (pictured above)
Jennifer Perkins of The Naughty Secretary Club

Dishonorable mention: Martha Stewart.
Lesson to learn from this: Super classy bitches do not get arrested. You overshot the runway, Martha. Better luck next time.

What is this blog about?
Being a super classy bitch!

Anymore questions?
I didn't think so.